Small Publishing Presents:
The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah
CHAPTER IV: The Room with a View
(In Which our Hero realizes an old foe with some strange quirks, Totoro kills a Midget and the Ogres advance.)
Thursday 30 January 2014
Thursday 23 January 2014
Power Rangers Fandom Force Chapter II
Chapter 2: Friendship is Magic.
Created by Thee Hatter
“Mathew Moskow Stiles. You have proven yourself to be brave, and can sit through many trials for that what you love. For this reason, you have been called upon to help us, and the world.” The giant floating head of Hartnell explained, his voice booming around the room. What was this? Was this a dream? No, that patch of coke on his shirt was definitely really wet, so this…this was actually 100% real. As impossible as it was, there was no other explanation. Moskow could do nothing but just stand gobsmacked trying to process the information.
“But no one would expect one lone hero to save us, for it is not just your love who is in danger. No. All of you must fight for the things that make you happy when sad, the things you watch and obsess over to keep you sane. You have all passed the initial trial set to you without realizing, and as such we call upon you now, heroes of fiction, to save our future.”
As Hartnell said this, a bright pink light seemed to engulf Moskow, and despite the view being tinted in pink, he noticed for the first time that he was not the only one in the room. Apart from him, there were about six other people, also with lights surrounding them. It was at that point he felt a small tug on his neck, and he looked down to see the my little pony necklace he so often wore around his neck raising slightly, like it was buffering in the wind-but something was different. It was like where the light was passing by him, the necklace was acting like a sponge and absorbing it, till no more like was left.
“Step forward…Harvey Stines”.
Across the room, Moskow watched as a guy about a year older than him stumbled forward. He wore a white tanktop, and worn blue jeans. His hair was short and black, and he certainly had the right sorta build for someone you wanted in a fight. Moskow could just about make out something in his pocket that he severally hoped was a wand.
“You have proven yourself to be brave of heart, and your daring, nerve and chivalry sets you apart from the rest. You stick by what you love, despite it’s flaws. As such, you are the teams, leader, and should wear your house colour’s with pride. You’re a Ranger, Harvey. The Red Ranger-Harry Potter.”
The wand in his pocket began to glow a faint red, and Harvey looked around speechless.
“This is your team…Steven “Watchkeeper” Danston, one who can see all of time and space, and is loyal to his companions…the Blue Ranger, Doctor Who. Stacey Vickers, who has proven that she will value her friendship and stop at nothing to unearth the truth, she is the White Ranger-Sherlock. Ronald Enders, a wayward son who has learned to carry on, and will fight heaven and hell to keep his brother safe-The Black Ranger, supernatural. Charlie “Princess” Smith, one who will fight for her happy ending, and is not afraid to wish upon a star. She is the Green Ranger, Disney. Jamie Summer’s, who know’s that her friends are her power, and who’s heart goes doki-doki-she is the Yellow Ranger, Anime. Finally, Mathew “Moskow” StIles, who know’s friendship is magic and will fight to keep the elements of harmony-He is the Pink Ranger, My Little Pony!”
As Hartnell said his name, the pony necklace he wore around his neck began to glow pink. Looking around the other people in the room, it was apparent that each of them had an item glowing their ranger colour also.
“Together, you seven will save the things you love from those who wish to destroy them. Together, you are Power Rangers: Fandom Force!”
Created by Thee Hatter
“Mathew Moskow Stiles. You have proven yourself to be brave, and can sit through many trials for that what you love. For this reason, you have been called upon to help us, and the world.” The giant floating head of Hartnell explained, his voice booming around the room. What was this? Was this a dream? No, that patch of coke on his shirt was definitely really wet, so this…this was actually 100% real. As impossible as it was, there was no other explanation. Moskow could do nothing but just stand gobsmacked trying to process the information.
“But no one would expect one lone hero to save us, for it is not just your love who is in danger. No. All of you must fight for the things that make you happy when sad, the things you watch and obsess over to keep you sane. You have all passed the initial trial set to you without realizing, and as such we call upon you now, heroes of fiction, to save our future.”
As Hartnell said this, a bright pink light seemed to engulf Moskow, and despite the view being tinted in pink, he noticed for the first time that he was not the only one in the room. Apart from him, there were about six other people, also with lights surrounding them. It was at that point he felt a small tug on his neck, and he looked down to see the my little pony necklace he so often wore around his neck raising slightly, like it was buffering in the wind-but something was different. It was like where the light was passing by him, the necklace was acting like a sponge and absorbing it, till no more like was left.
“Step forward…Harvey Stines”.
Across the room, Moskow watched as a guy about a year older than him stumbled forward. He wore a white tanktop, and worn blue jeans. His hair was short and black, and he certainly had the right sorta build for someone you wanted in a fight. Moskow could just about make out something in his pocket that he severally hoped was a wand.
“You have proven yourself to be brave of heart, and your daring, nerve and chivalry sets you apart from the rest. You stick by what you love, despite it’s flaws. As such, you are the teams, leader, and should wear your house colour’s with pride. You’re a Ranger, Harvey. The Red Ranger-Harry Potter.”
The wand in his pocket began to glow a faint red, and Harvey looked around speechless.
“This is your team…Steven “Watchkeeper” Danston, one who can see all of time and space, and is loyal to his companions…the Blue Ranger, Doctor Who. Stacey Vickers, who has proven that she will value her friendship and stop at nothing to unearth the truth, she is the White Ranger-Sherlock. Ronald Enders, a wayward son who has learned to carry on, and will fight heaven and hell to keep his brother safe-The Black Ranger, supernatural. Charlie “Princess” Smith, one who will fight for her happy ending, and is not afraid to wish upon a star. She is the Green Ranger, Disney. Jamie Summer’s, who know’s that her friends are her power, and who’s heart goes doki-doki-she is the Yellow Ranger, Anime. Finally, Mathew “Moskow” StIles, who know’s friendship is magic and will fight to keep the elements of harmony-He is the Pink Ranger, My Little Pony!”
As Hartnell said his name, the pony necklace he wore around his neck began to glow pink. Looking around the other people in the room, it was apparent that each of them had an item glowing their ranger colour also.
“Together, you seven will save the things you love from those who wish to destroy them. Together, you are Power Rangers: Fandom Force!”
The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah Chapter III
Small Publishing Presents:
The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah
CHAPTER III: The Last Son of J-J-Jaffa Cake-Krypton
(In which our hero's past is explored and we learn that just about everything in the Jaffa Kingdom is titled after the eponymous cake.)
The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah
CHAPTER III: The Last Son of J-J-Jaffa Cake-Krypton
(In which our hero's past is explored and we learn that just about everything in the Jaffa Kingdom is titled after the eponymous cake.)
Saturday 18 January 2014
Power Rangers Fandom Force Chapter I
Power Rangers Fandom Force
Chapter 1: Go Go Power Rangers.
Written and created by Thee Hatter
Moskow couldn't quite believe he’d done it as the final credit’s rolled on the screen. After many days and nights watching power rangers, it was finally completed-There was none left to watch. He let out a satisfied sigh, leaning back in his chair. That…was awesome. Now to just have a celebratory drink of Cola, and…
“Matthew Stiles, you have proven yourself to be a true ranger.”
Moskow froze in mid thought. That…wasn't coming from anywhere behind him, which meant…He looked at the screen in confusion. Did he have Skype open and accidentally call someone? Was it some oddly fitting ad? What the hell was going on? The more he looked at the screen, the more confused he got. The episode had ended, the bar was at the end and wasn't playing so…why was the voice coming from the video?
“You have proven that you will persevere throughout, staying true to the things you love. As such, you…have been chosen.”
The voice sounded familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it-but soon that wasn't the concerning thing. A small breeze had started up, or at least that’s what he thought at first, but then he realized what was so odd about it. For starters, all the windows and doors were closed, and for seconds, the breeze seemed to be heading into the laptop. Either something had gone horribly wrong with the fan, or something really strange was going on.
“Uhh…” Moskow muttered, staring blankly at the screen. “what the heck?”
At that point he heard the sound of glass hitting wood as his celebratory drink decided on a new destination other then Moskow’s mouth, although it was one neither of them expected. Moskow stared in awe as instead of spilling out and ruining his laptop, the liquid…hovered. Before he even realized what was going on, it seemed to rush towards the screen like a bull to the colour red, but instead of soaking it it just…vanished. Moskow had a bad feeling about this, and considering his hair was now flying everywhere it was pretty founded. He quickly jumped up, not caring as the laptop and glass clattered to the ground-well, the laptop did, the glass just fell inside it like the drink. He tried to run, but soon the floor in which he was running on seemed to lose quite a lot of friction. Looking down, he realized the reason for this was most likely because he was now two feet above it. Before he even had time to react, the suction force coming from the laptop went into overdrive, and, with nothing to stop him moving through the air, he found himself hurtling towards the screen. He had no idea how he fit, but it felt much like he’d imagine going through a black hole would feel, only without the crippling agony and death. Moskow screamed as he felt like half his body in free-fall, whilst the other half stretched to catch up. Before he knew it he felt his feet softly hit ground, and he felt the rest of him act like a rubber band and fling him straight onto his face, landing in a puddle of coke.
“Owww….” He moaned, slowly getting himself up. Where he was…he had no idea. Well, that wasn't strictly true. The black decor, the seemingly empty space, the indent in the center that a bright light just began shining through…”No way…”
This had to be a dream. This is what happens after you watch so many episodes, it has to be. That’s the only reason this was happening. That’s the only way he could explain the face that suddenly began to appear in the light-wait a second. That…was not who he thought it would be. Long White hair combed back, deep wrinkles in his face and a grandfatherly sparkle in his eye, that…was not Zordon. That…was William Hartnell.
Chapter 1: Go Go Power Rangers.
Written and created by Thee Hatter
Moskow couldn't quite believe he’d done it as the final credit’s rolled on the screen. After many days and nights watching power rangers, it was finally completed-There was none left to watch. He let out a satisfied sigh, leaning back in his chair. That…was awesome. Now to just have a celebratory drink of Cola, and…
“Matthew Stiles, you have proven yourself to be a true ranger.”
Moskow froze in mid thought. That…wasn't coming from anywhere behind him, which meant…He looked at the screen in confusion. Did he have Skype open and accidentally call someone? Was it some oddly fitting ad? What the hell was going on? The more he looked at the screen, the more confused he got. The episode had ended, the bar was at the end and wasn't playing so…why was the voice coming from the video?
“You have proven that you will persevere throughout, staying true to the things you love. As such, you…have been chosen.”
The voice sounded familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it-but soon that wasn't the concerning thing. A small breeze had started up, or at least that’s what he thought at first, but then he realized what was so odd about it. For starters, all the windows and doors were closed, and for seconds, the breeze seemed to be heading into the laptop. Either something had gone horribly wrong with the fan, or something really strange was going on.
“Uhh…” Moskow muttered, staring blankly at the screen. “what the heck?”
At that point he heard the sound of glass hitting wood as his celebratory drink decided on a new destination other then Moskow’s mouth, although it was one neither of them expected. Moskow stared in awe as instead of spilling out and ruining his laptop, the liquid…hovered. Before he even realized what was going on, it seemed to rush towards the screen like a bull to the colour red, but instead of soaking it it just…vanished. Moskow had a bad feeling about this, and considering his hair was now flying everywhere it was pretty founded. He quickly jumped up, not caring as the laptop and glass clattered to the ground-well, the laptop did, the glass just fell inside it like the drink. He tried to run, but soon the floor in which he was running on seemed to lose quite a lot of friction. Looking down, he realized the reason for this was most likely because he was now two feet above it. Before he even had time to react, the suction force coming from the laptop went into overdrive, and, with nothing to stop him moving through the air, he found himself hurtling towards the screen. He had no idea how he fit, but it felt much like he’d imagine going through a black hole would feel, only without the crippling agony and death. Moskow screamed as he felt like half his body in free-fall, whilst the other half stretched to catch up. Before he knew it he felt his feet softly hit ground, and he felt the rest of him act like a rubber band and fling him straight onto his face, landing in a puddle of coke.
“Owww….” He moaned, slowly getting himself up. Where he was…he had no idea. Well, that wasn't strictly true. The black decor, the seemingly empty space, the indent in the center that a bright light just began shining through…”No way…”
This had to be a dream. This is what happens after you watch so many episodes, it has to be. That’s the only reason this was happening. That’s the only way he could explain the face that suddenly began to appear in the light-wait a second. That…was not who he thought it would be. Long White hair combed back, deep wrinkles in his face and a grandfatherly sparkle in his eye, that…was not Zordon. That…was William Hartnell.
The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah Chapter II
Small Publishing Presents:
The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah
CHAPTER II: Remembering the Darkest of Days
(In which Frank confronts his past and comes to the realization that his new partner is incredibly irritating)
The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah
CHAPTER II: Remembering the Darkest of Days
(In which Frank confronts his past and comes to the realization that his new partner is incredibly irritating)
The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah Chapter I
Small Publishing Presents:
The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah
CHAPTER I: Charles H. Blobby and Guillermo of Totoro
It was sunset. Sunset as all of his quests seemed to begin. after his adventure travelling up north through the legendary prophesied vagina and the tribe of the Genitallians. This kitty-hooded warrior travels through a dark shadowy forest with the only sounds to hear coming from the trees - Squirrels, Chipmunks, Birds. And not the women kind mind you ;D hence why I wonder why we're here...OH! thats right!! that kid! My god, I wonder why they keep me around as a Narrator, I've got such a short attention spa---Look guys, Birds!
Suddenly out of nowhere a small car came racing through the forest producing a giant trail of smoke which covered the trees like a blanket of grey and finally halted right beside the hooded person. The Kid turned around revealing it to be the adorable fighter Frank Enstien Norman!
"No Dude! you shouldn't have done that! How could you do that!!? Don't you realize you're gonna make the earth cry!?....wait Senpai is that you!?"
A pink large, rubbery man wearing a lot of eye makeup and a gaudy tie got out of the car.
"Oh it's only you! what are you doing all the way out here!?" inquired Frank.
"lkjhgfygjsjgklgssdjfoBlobbyBl
...It was Mr. Blobby holding a envelope with 'To Frankie-Chan' written on it. Frank opened the envelope and began to read the contents of the letter.
"To my Frankie-Chan, your training to restore balance to the Jaffa Cake order in the face of such adversity has most impressed me and I'm proud of the fact you are practicing the art of Kawaii-Fu. As such I offer you this Frank-Mobile which runs on Ice Cream (yum!) in your quest for Jaffa Cakes. I also leave to you this very rubbery blobby person I found trying to hitch a ride to New York. My friend Noel Edmonds practically begged me to keep him. I leave you all this as I'v finally decided to find Jaffa the Hutt in my own journey"
Frank looked up at Mr. Blobby somewhat disgusted at his mere presence and hopped into his newly acquired vehicle and drove off. Leaving Mr. Blobby to pontificate on the way his life had been turning out recently...and knowing what Moskow loves to do with these kinds of characters...He'll no doubt show up in Shortlad or something >.>
Frank drove across the land for several hours grinning to himself that his Senpai had finally began to notice him. However he didn't keep an eye out on where he was going and suddenly 'CRAAAASH!' he knocked over an incredibly large furry bearded creature wearing a glasses and a strange black shirt which appeared to be some sort of merchandise merchandise. Frank immediately jumped out of the car to see if the hairy humongous man was alright. Frank was amazed, not only at the size of the man which was akin to that of a Snorlax he once saw as a wee lad but that Frank felt a familiarity with this huge beast of a man. As if he had seen him before somewhere before. Seeing the man was still alive, Frank helped him up.
"Jeez watch where you're going! you crazy fool!" bellowed the furry man.
It was at this point when it was clear in Frank's eyes who the identity of this strange man was.
"I've got it!! you're Totoro!" Frank claimed.
"WHAT!? HOW COULD YOU MISTAKE ME FOR HIM!? I'M GUILLERMO DEL TORO!! THE FAMOUS MOVIE DIRECTOR!! CAN'T YOU TELL BY MY SHIRT!!?" the furry fellow shouted as he pointed to his shirt which appeared to be a poorly drawn Pacific Rim image composed of two stick figures and a title which spelled 'pAcifiCk RoM'.
"Uuuuuh, okay." Frank accepted, slightly confused at the shock of meeting a real-life Totoro and at the fact that the creature claimed to be the popular Spanish-American film director.
"LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY SPEECHLESS AND WANT MY AUTOGRAPH FOR HELLBOI, PENIS'S LABYRINTH OR MY LATEST CREATION~ PACIFIC RIMJOB! BUT PLEASE, YOU NEED TO COME WITH ME TO STOP THE EARTH FROM FLOODING AND THE CREATION OF A SECOND NOAH'S ARK!!!...IT WOULDN'T BE SO BAD IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE FACT THAT BIG G UP THERE IS ALWAYS TOO BUSY PLAYING BASEBALL WITH HIS KID J.C. TO PROPERLY PAY ATTENTION AND IF LAST TIME IS ANYTHING TO GO BY THEN WE KNOW THAT GOD'LL PROBABLY PICK SOME FORGETFUL LOSER WHO CAN'T BE ASSED TO CHECK IF THE ANIMALS ARE EVEN THE RIGHT GENDERS ASKED FOR!! I'M SURE YOU SAW ALL THAT SMOG THAT JUST ERUPTED FROM OVER THERE!! IT'S THE FIRST SIGN! THE EARTH'S GONNA FLOOD AGAIN" Del T(ot)oro shouts as he points in the direction that Frank just came from.
Frank suddenly became serious, however he felt like something was off, the more he thought about it, the handwriting on the letter from his 'apparent' Senpai looked an awfully lot like the handwriting found on Del T(ot)oro's shirt. Frank became suspicious, was this really his Senpai's instructions? Meanwhile on Guillermo Del T(ot)oro's glasses was a camera monitoring everything that was going on in front of him. The feed was being transmitted live directly to a gloomy icy fortress where nothing was heard except for maniacal cackling of a shadowy mad man dressed like Santa Clause with the darkest of eyeballs, as his pupils glowed red. "HAHAHA! Shortlad may've stopped me before but once nature cries enough, the jigsaw continents of the world will merge together and then...only then will I have my revenge! and this...this Kawaii boy will be the key to all of it! Muhahahahahahaha!!!"
...To Be Continued (If I do in fact continue it) ~ in CHAPTER II!!
The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah
CHAPTER I: Charles H. Blobby and Guillermo of Totoro
It was sunset. Sunset as all of his quests seemed to begin. after his adventure travelling up north through the legendary prophesied vagina and the tribe of the Genitallians. This kitty-hooded warrior travels through a dark shadowy forest with the only sounds to hear coming from the trees - Squirrels, Chipmunks, Birds. And not the women kind mind you ;D hence why I wonder why we're here...OH! thats right!! that kid! My god, I wonder why they keep me around as a Narrator, I've got such a short attention spa---Look guys, Birds!
Suddenly out of nowhere a small car came racing through the forest producing a giant trail of smoke which covered the trees like a blanket of grey and finally halted right beside the hooded person. The Kid turned around revealing it to be the adorable fighter Frank Enstien Norman!
"No Dude! you shouldn't have done that! How could you do that!!? Don't you realize you're gonna make the earth cry!?....wait Senpai is that you!?"
A pink large, rubbery man wearing a lot of eye makeup and a gaudy tie got out of the car.
"Oh it's only you! what are you doing all the way out here!?" inquired Frank.
"lkjhgfygjsjgklgssdjfoBlobbyBl
...It was Mr. Blobby holding a envelope with 'To Frankie-Chan' written on it. Frank opened the envelope and began to read the contents of the letter.
"To my Frankie-Chan, your training to restore balance to the Jaffa Cake order in the face of such adversity has most impressed me and I'm proud of the fact you are practicing the art of Kawaii-Fu. As such I offer you this Frank-Mobile which runs on Ice Cream (yum!) in your quest for Jaffa Cakes. I also leave to you this very rubbery blobby person I found trying to hitch a ride to New York. My friend Noel Edmonds practically begged me to keep him. I leave you all this as I'v finally decided to find Jaffa the Hutt in my own journey"
Frank looked up at Mr. Blobby somewhat disgusted at his mere presence and hopped into his newly acquired vehicle and drove off. Leaving Mr. Blobby to pontificate on the way his life had been turning out recently...and knowing what Moskow loves to do with these kinds of characters...He'll no doubt show up in Shortlad or something >.>
Frank drove across the land for several hours grinning to himself that his Senpai had finally began to notice him. However he didn't keep an eye out on where he was going and suddenly 'CRAAAASH!' he knocked over an incredibly large furry bearded creature wearing a glasses and a strange black shirt which appeared to be some sort of merchandise merchandise. Frank immediately jumped out of the car to see if the hairy humongous man was alright. Frank was amazed, not only at the size of the man which was akin to that of a Snorlax he once saw as a wee lad but that Frank felt a familiarity with this huge beast of a man. As if he had seen him before somewhere before. Seeing the man was still alive, Frank helped him up.
"Jeez watch where you're going! you crazy fool!" bellowed the furry man.
It was at this point when it was clear in Frank's eyes who the identity of this strange man was.
"I've got it!! you're Totoro!" Frank claimed.
"WHAT!? HOW COULD YOU MISTAKE ME FOR HIM!? I'M GUILLERMO DEL TORO!! THE FAMOUS MOVIE DIRECTOR!! CAN'T YOU TELL BY MY SHIRT!!?" the furry fellow shouted as he pointed to his shirt which appeared to be a poorly drawn Pacific Rim image composed of two stick figures and a title which spelled 'pAcifiCk RoM'.
"Uuuuuh, okay." Frank accepted, slightly confused at the shock of meeting a real-life Totoro and at the fact that the creature claimed to be the popular Spanish-American film director.
"LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY SPEECHLESS AND WANT MY AUTOGRAPH FOR HELLBOI, PENIS'S LABYRINTH OR MY LATEST CREATION~ PACIFIC RIMJOB! BUT PLEASE, YOU NEED TO COME WITH ME TO STOP THE EARTH FROM FLOODING AND THE CREATION OF A SECOND NOAH'S ARK!!!...IT WOULDN'T BE SO BAD IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE FACT THAT BIG G UP THERE IS ALWAYS TOO BUSY PLAYING BASEBALL WITH HIS KID J.C. TO PROPERLY PAY ATTENTION AND IF LAST TIME IS ANYTHING TO GO BY THEN WE KNOW THAT GOD'LL PROBABLY PICK SOME FORGETFUL LOSER WHO CAN'T BE ASSED TO CHECK IF THE ANIMALS ARE EVEN THE RIGHT GENDERS ASKED FOR!! I'M SURE YOU SAW ALL THAT SMOG THAT JUST ERUPTED FROM OVER THERE!! IT'S THE FIRST SIGN! THE EARTH'S GONNA FLOOD AGAIN" Del T(ot)oro shouts as he points in the direction that Frank just came from.
Frank suddenly became serious, however he felt like something was off, the more he thought about it, the handwriting on the letter from his 'apparent' Senpai looked an awfully lot like the handwriting found on Del T(ot)oro's shirt. Frank became suspicious, was this really his Senpai's instructions? Meanwhile on Guillermo Del T(ot)oro's glasses was a camera monitoring everything that was going on in front of him. The feed was being transmitted live directly to a gloomy icy fortress where nothing was heard except for maniacal cackling of a shadowy mad man dressed like Santa Clause with the darkest of eyeballs, as his pupils glowed red. "HAHAHA! Shortlad may've stopped me before but once nature cries enough, the jigsaw continents of the world will merge together and then...only then will I have my revenge! and this...this Kawaii boy will be the key to all of it! Muhahahahahahaha!!!"
...To Be Continued (If I do in fact continue it) ~ in CHAPTER II!!
Wednesday 1 January 2014
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