The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah
CHAPTER I: Charles H. Blobby and Guillermo of Totoro
It was sunset. Sunset as all of his quests seemed to begin. after his adventure travelling up north through the legendary prophesied vagina and the tribe of the Genitallians. This kitty-hooded warrior travels through a dark shadowy forest with the only sounds to hear coming from the trees - Squirrels, Chipmunks, Birds. And not the women kind mind you ;D hence why I wonder why we're here...OH! thats right!! that kid! My god, I wonder why they keep me around as a Narrator, I've got such a short attention spa---Look guys, Birds!
Suddenly out of nowhere a small car came racing through the forest producing a giant trail of smoke which covered the trees like a blanket of grey and finally halted right beside the hooded person. The Kid turned around revealing it to be the adorable fighter Frank Enstien Norman!
"No Dude! you shouldn't have done that! How could you do that!!? Don't you realize you're gonna make the earth cry!?....wait Senpai is that you!?"
A pink large, rubbery man wearing a lot of eye makeup and a gaudy tie got out of the car.
"Oh it's only you! what are you doing all the way out here!?" inquired Frank.
"lkjhgfygjsjgklgssdjfoBlobbyBl
...It was Mr. Blobby holding a envelope with 'To Frankie-Chan' written on it. Frank opened the envelope and began to read the contents of the letter.
"To my Frankie-Chan, your training to restore balance to the Jaffa Cake order in the face of such adversity has most impressed me and I'm proud of the fact you are practicing the art of Kawaii-Fu. As such I offer you this Frank-Mobile which runs on Ice Cream (yum!) in your quest for Jaffa Cakes. I also leave to you this very rubbery blobby person I found trying to hitch a ride to New York. My friend Noel Edmonds practically begged me to keep him. I leave you all this as I'v finally decided to find Jaffa the Hutt in my own journey"
Frank looked up at Mr. Blobby somewhat disgusted at his mere presence and hopped into his newly acquired vehicle and drove off. Leaving Mr. Blobby to pontificate on the way his life had been turning out recently...and knowing what Moskow loves to do with these kinds of characters...He'll no doubt show up in Shortlad or something >.>
Frank drove across the land for several hours grinning to himself that his Senpai had finally began to notice him. However he didn't keep an eye out on where he was going and suddenly 'CRAAAASH!' he knocked over an incredibly large furry bearded creature wearing a glasses and a strange black shirt which appeared to be some sort of merchandise merchandise. Frank immediately jumped out of the car to see if the hairy humongous man was alright. Frank was amazed, not only at the size of the man which was akin to that of a Snorlax he once saw as a wee lad but that Frank felt a familiarity with this huge beast of a man. As if he had seen him before somewhere before. Seeing the man was still alive, Frank helped him up.
"Jeez watch where you're going! you crazy fool!" bellowed the furry man.
It was at this point when it was clear in Frank's eyes who the identity of this strange man was.
"I've got it!! you're Totoro!" Frank claimed.
"WHAT!? HOW COULD YOU MISTAKE ME FOR HIM!? I'M GUILLERMO DEL TORO!! THE FAMOUS MOVIE DIRECTOR!! CAN'T YOU TELL BY MY SHIRT!!?" the furry fellow shouted as he pointed to his shirt which appeared to be a poorly drawn Pacific Rim image composed of two stick figures and a title which spelled 'pAcifiCk RoM'.
"Uuuuuh, okay." Frank accepted, slightly confused at the shock of meeting a real-life Totoro and at the fact that the creature claimed to be the popular Spanish-American film director.
"LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY SPEECHLESS AND WANT MY AUTOGRAPH FOR HELLBOI, PENIS'S LABYRINTH OR MY LATEST CREATION~ PACIFIC RIMJOB! BUT PLEASE, YOU NEED TO COME WITH ME TO STOP THE EARTH FROM FLOODING AND THE CREATION OF A SECOND NOAH'S ARK!!!...IT WOULDN'T BE SO BAD IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE FACT THAT BIG G UP THERE IS ALWAYS TOO BUSY PLAYING BASEBALL WITH HIS KID J.C. TO PROPERLY PAY ATTENTION AND IF LAST TIME IS ANYTHING TO GO BY THEN WE KNOW THAT GOD'LL PROBABLY PICK SOME FORGETFUL LOSER WHO CAN'T BE ASSED TO CHECK IF THE ANIMALS ARE EVEN THE RIGHT GENDERS ASKED FOR!! I'M SURE YOU SAW ALL THAT SMOG THAT JUST ERUPTED FROM OVER THERE!! IT'S THE FIRST SIGN! THE EARTH'S GONNA FLOOD AGAIN" Del T(ot)oro shouts as he points in the direction that Frank just came from.
Frank suddenly became serious, however he felt like something was off, the more he thought about it, the handwriting on the letter from his 'apparent' Senpai looked an awfully lot like the handwriting found on Del T(ot)oro's shirt. Frank became suspicious, was this really his Senpai's instructions? Meanwhile on Guillermo Del T(ot)oro's glasses was a camera monitoring everything that was going on in front of him. The feed was being transmitted live directly to a gloomy icy fortress where nothing was heard except for maniacal cackling of a shadowy mad man dressed like Santa Clause with the darkest of eyeballs, as his pupils glowed red. "HAHAHA! Shortlad may've stopped me before but once nature cries enough, the jigsaw continents of the world will merge together and then...only then will I have my revenge! and this...this Kawaii boy will be the key to all of it! Muhahahahahahaha!!!"
...To Be Continued (If I do in fact continue it) ~ in CHAPTER II!!
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