Christmas Videos

From our Skype viewing of 'The Grinch' (2000). Who knows maybe if peeps are lucky Frank may release the full thing.

Next up was the much anticipated christmas present - a complete mystery to JJ until this point!

AMPLITUDE 2014 EPISODE (MALI AND ME)

As part of Bath College's series 'Amplitude' which showcases the music students and gives them a spotlight, Me and Frank were given the task of designing and producing an episode. From interviewing music students I met Mali Bone, whom by chance of fate had already caught me on stand when I went to see one of filmmaker Kevin Smith's Q&As. Anyways, We decided chiefly Frank would direct and I would vision mix and despite some faults with the vision mixer I feel we did a great job together. We also devised of a show plan which I feel is simultaneously very lazy and simple, without being too boring. Overall, despite the stress of working with live broadcast equipment I can definitely say I had a good time with it.

-The aforementioned Kevin Smith Q&A where he hugged me and let me sit on stage... what a hero! I'm the guy to the side in the white shirt with long hair.

CHRISTMAS JOY

The Bath Christmas Market is a common staple of the Bath tourism and culture, as such it was no surprise when the college tasked me and a small group to make a short film (though this is more of like a tone poem) of the Bath Christmas Market. This was an exercise in using low lighting and boosting settings to get the best out of the dark environment.

LOVE'S LAST MEETING

Love's Last Meeting is a short improvised film about two lovers. As they pass a red umbrella which symbolises their dying love. Originally a sound film, the audio turned out appalling so it was dumped and turned into a tone poem in post production. It was originally filmed as a comedy with drama students however they didn't turn up and we decided to turn the idea into a tongue in cheek - mostly do to acting. However I believe my editing has lead my interpretation of the footage to be highly subjective and therefore is capable of being interpreted any way the viewer prefers.

REVIVAL OF DRACULA PRODUCTION UPDATE 09/11/14

After a month of delays and other discouragements I've finally managed to produce a small teaser of what will ultimately become the short film. I've used all the footage I have that links together to produce a rough cut of the opening to the film.

I'm taking a hiatus from filming as I feel my actors aren't getting paid for this and I don't want to make them freeze to death in the cold. I expect to return to shooting early next year. Part of me regrets this but I feel its for the best so I don't get too worked up over the difficulties of film making.

AUTUMN - Short Film

I present to you one of the first pieces of College second year work I'm actually proud of. Stunning! I know right. God, things are just so much better than last year in media studies.

We were told to go out and film something and just "impress" our lecturer and I ended up in a team with two other guys: Aynsley and Calum. The theme was 'Changing seasons'. I'm really happy with this video and I feel it encapsulates everything I can improve upon as a filmmaker. Taking initiative in shot design to having my own individual edit distinct from the others. In fact, it may be the first thing I've ever been proud of in college. Enough to warrant willingly being picked on, for showcase by my lecturer.

REVIVAL OF DRACULA - PRODUCTION UPDATE 02/11/14

Filming began a little over a week ago on my new short film: The Revival of Dracula; however I'm facing several problems and roadblocks which are highlighting the fact that I need to be tougher in order to become a better director.

Due to the over whelming friendly chemistry on the set with my friends/the co-stars I was unable to get as many shots as I desired that day due to everyone being distracted. We did manage 1 scene though and I suppose it was rather optimistic to believe I could actually get more in 1 day. Frank managed to fill an entire SD card with Behind The Scenes footage. Also because as soon as we got me suited up for Count Dracula's scenes we discovered that the goddamn fangs dont stick to my mouth.

Following this I successfully shot some solo scenes with my girlfriend Gabby (or Gee); pictured above. I was very happy with the way these turned out as I learned how to effectively play with lighting on my new DSLR - A Canon 550D. Wonderful piece of machinery, to film a wonderful girlfriend.

Okay so far so good, 3 out of 8 scenes done, but after trying my fangs again for Halloween - which still did not work we came to the conclusion that my canine teeth are simply too small to allow me to play Dracula. Worse, I find Gabby has had fake blood spill over her white hoodie, which I'm going to have to shoot around now. We eventually decided on Frank playing Dracula due to his natural fang-like teeth anyway.

We'll see how things progress....

SHORT FILM: REVIVAL OF DRACULA SCRIPT COMPLETE

It's amazing to think that in just under 3 weeks, I've been able to formulate an idea of what I want from a Dracula short film and write a 7 page script about it. All stemming from my costume this year. Just wow, to top it off I'm even producing storyboards (a rare occurrence for me) and have ready and willing actors and have even bought prosthetics and make-up in preparation!

...Just wow! this is probably outside of college, the most professional I've ever been in creating a film. I'm so excited for this, we start shooting Saturday and I cannot wait! It's how planned everything is, my new camera, using my friends as actors like the old days, Frank shooting behind scenes material, Dracula, the B-Movie aesthetic! it's all tumbled so fast and I'm so joyed to be making this!

'Enter The Pitch' Contest Entry

For college we each had to develop a pitch for an individual bible themed movie. (maybe I should upload the script on here at some point)

I chose the story of Moses as did the rest of my crew in this pitch. We were then grouped together to weld our ideas together into something fresh and new in the hopes of winning the competition and enough money to turn this into a high budget short film.

The film would have been set in some sort of special rehab hospital where patients (analogous to the Israelites) go about their existence guided by the 'Moses' character. (In this case, a therapist)
However one day their treatment begins to falter as one patient begins to realize the drugs the therapist has been reluctantly giving him (on orders by an unseen authority - a God figure) are causing him to discover that the patients are being manipulated into believing they have a better future coming - when in actuality they have been sent here because they are incurable.

So, we produced this short pitch, where I voiced the therapist and Tom sent it off but.....

Oh well, still though, way better time than anything we did last year. :')

Moskow and the Skype Sex Bot

A story of what happens when naivete takes the better of you upon trusting a random internet request.

New Production Logo

Project Exodus - Film Pitch

Part of a College Project to create a pitch for a movie based off themes of the Bible.

JJ Tortures Moskow and Gabz

John Yogi Bear: An E! True Not True Story

(Originally Released July 1st 2014)

Yogi Bear is owned by Warner Bros.

Learn the true story behind one of the pioneering innovators of television.

Cinephobia

(Originally Released June 7th 2014)

You must guide our protagonist. You decide his truth. He must have faith to believe he can comprehend what the veritable truth is. He has begun to keep a journal to record the experience however life has proven to be difficult as the lines between reality and fiction are beginning to blur together faster and faster.  You must choose whether he is caught in a kind of conspiracy to shatter his perception of what is real or if they're really only measly tricks of the mind.

The Saga of Moocat

18-05-14: Godzilla (2014)

In which I beg you to excuse the choppy editing and focus on how much I repeat myself....and Fuck you Movie Maker

An Eternity (48 Hr. Sci-Fi London Youtube Storytelling Challenge 2014)

My entry into the 48 hr. competition...which I wrote all in one day as I played a drinking game with some peepz on the Saturday. :P

Title: AN ETERNITY

Line: "As a system, the Hénon map is interesting. Unlike the logistic map, it defies a simple description."

28-03-14: The Muppets Most Wanted

I saw the movie and ended up not really giving my thoughts but complaining about how my generation doesn't seem to appreciate the franchise enough.

Frank at the Skills Fair

Frank almost kills someone and becomes an expert plate spinner.

Lost

I went exploring to purposely get lost for fun.

Cardiff Comic Con 2014

It Finally happened.

Just a short showcase of the team before we got there. The team being: Moskow, Jason, Ray, Hannah, Marcus, Matt, Angus, Jordan, Frank, Soph and Alex.

Shortlad Neo

Season 3 is where I began to take this story more seriously. After a brief couple months hiatus I finally began work on 'Shortlad Neo'. With this I wanted to take inspiration from the 1980's 'The Transformers: The Movie' in the shock factor. With familiar characters being killed off and a large part of the story being centered around the people who would otherwise be side characters. This season also marks the start of main villains continuing from previous seasons. It is perhaps one of; if not my favourite season. I particularly am happy with the final episode cliffhanger and for all you confused - Shortlad Junior is now just Shortlad. (Think the 'He Lives In You' song from 'The Lion King' musical.....only more so)

Episode 1: The Short Fill-In
Episode 2: The Short Spy
Episode 3: The Short Crash
Episode 4: The Short Brawl
Episode 5: The Short Tragedy
Episode 6: The Short Passing
Episode 7: The Short Resurrection
Episode 8: The Short But Lucky Survivors
Episode 9: The Short Off-Screen Action
Episode 10: The Short Final Fight
Episode 11: The Short Final Fight Part 2
Episode 12: The Short Final Fight Part 3
Episode 13: The Short Cliffhanger
Special: The Origin of Zillgrus

Shortlad Neo Episode Batch Release

I have begun releasing Season 3 on the net. The first 5 episodes are currently online on the Facebook page.

Episode 1: The Short Fill-In

After 16 years of fighting back Zeno's evil forces, a stronger evil begins to make its move...

Episode 2: The Short Spy

As Shortlad checks whether the shuttle containing key to his HQ's weapons is ready, he doesn't realize he is being watched from afar.

Episode 3: The Short Crash

As a massacre unfolds in the shuttle, Shortlad Jr. travels back to the Metrobase.

Episode 4: The Short Brawl

Seeing the amount of bloodshed in the city, Shortlad decides that today must be Zeno's final battle.

Episode 5: The Short Tragedy

The battle between warriors becomes violent.

The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah Chapter VI

Small Publishing Presents:

The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah
CHAPTER VI: Kah-Waii and the Mad Souffle Donkey

(In which Khwai's country of origin is called into question, everybody loves the movie 'My Neighbour Totoro' and we learn to never underestimate an Equus africanus asinus's love for welsh pop stars.

Bath Chronicle Flappy Bird Article

So as part of a annoyingly compulsory 'extended activity' in our Print Publishing lessons in Media at College, JAMes (my lecturer) makes my class go do these bogus reports on things with this chap from The Bath Chronicle. While these would be somewhat appealing for someone who wishes to work in journalism it was not for me as I...well don't. Ergo I cheaped out when it came time for me to do it yesterday and found the way I could do the least amount of effort - by letting the other dudes go out and interview people while I find background info which only takes about 20 mins. ^^

The Flappy Bird Article

Fortunately our group did at least get a mildly more interesting topic than the previous ones from what I gather. However it is still incredibly uninteresting to me the kind of reaction that the Flappy Bird app is getting as I generally don't care about such time waster games. To compound this, ultimately it seems the small (20%-ish of the article) work I did has been decreased even further by the guy from The Bath Chronicle coming along to edit our team's work. He clearly isn't using the background info I researched as basis for his rewrite as I think he's thrown in some facts which weren't present at all in our original draft. While I understand this from a professional standpoint that he may not have felt our presentation or style or whatever wasn't up to snuff with the rest of Chronicle. The fact still remains that our presence in writing this thing has been rendered somewhat pointless.

So enjoy Valentine's Day with my article which is about as much mine as the theatrical cut of Superman II belongs to Richard Donner.

January 29th - Shooting Frank's Single Camera Space Sketch

So this was the day I got to finally collaborate on something of Frank's for a change. Even if he wasn't too thrilled to make it but I reckon it turned out okay in my humble opinion. Anyways, the previous night I briefly discussed with him his thoughts on 'Eraserhead' (1977) and eventually somehow he asked me if I was willing to play a satellite in his sketch. At the time I had a surge in creative zeal. This allowed me to have some more enthusiasm to this *groan* college project.

When I arrived the following day at college, Frank's single camera team were having a production meeting while me and the others were being taught how to use the cameras, a highly unnecessary lessons because of how simply those cameras are and the fact that I already had prior knowledge that I was to be cast as a Satellite. (Frank's sketch featured several celestial bodies talking to one another about the advent of satellite TV, this was kinda the point of what we were supposed to make for college.) We soon headed over to the studio and after some deliberation because Frank misinterpreted our lecturer's (whom I will refer to as Jesus) plans for the scheduling, we began filming without one of Frank's friends who was originally to play the earth as he ended up contacting her too late. Soon after though, he found someone to play the earth. Being the only male celestial body it seems I was quite the pimp satellite ...ha...ha...ha. I'll shut up. Frank then realized during the make-up sessions that he had make-up for everyone except me. As such he improvised and I had a range of different colours on my face which seemed to make me look like a zombie. I was even described as looking bruised up at one point. 

Satellite Selfie xD

Despite the fact that we both only had about several sentences, my dialogue with the moon seemed to go on forever. However, this may just be an exaggeration. I reckon the whole thing turned out pretty fine as long as the chroma key goes well so that we're edited into space. As the shoot finally came to a close, there came a need for a narrator and as I performed my Tommy Wiseau impression, for some reason they chose me. Although they requested more of a German accent, which I am incapable of with my natural yet inexplicable American accent. So that was a wrap! I then headed over to the Bath College toilets (something which I had not done before and probably will not do ever again - public toilets suck and plus these were really small) I evidently have no skill in washing my face as my fingers proceeded to ram across my face ending up jamming my nose and making me bleed. Stupid Moskow.

My fingers at the time.

So after both me and Frank appeared as extras in another dude's section of the TV sketch afterwards, it was the end of the shoot. This meant that the following week would be time for the Multicam crew i.e. Me. John Yogi Bear would finally have his day...

The New Adventures of Shortlad

Season 2! oh yes I remember this! I wrote this entire season (excluding the specials) in the span of only one week due to the completely unexpected positive reception of Season 1. This is why many aspects of the story this season are rather rushed. The 13 minimum episode count has been reduced to a mere 7 episodes. In fact in episode 7 Biscuitboy was to have a more thought out appearance instead of suddenly showing up out of nowhere as Zeno's henchmen for 1 episode. Due to the clearly rushed nature of the season, plans for a follow-up 'Movie-Sized' issue to The Short Wars were shelved and eventually abandoned. However a majority of the planned ideas found their way into Season 3. Despite all these shortcomings Season 2 features the debut of many characters who would become key figures in the overall Shortlad storyline, including: Larry, Tribe Leader, Bugsey (at this time called Rabbey) and the current longest running villain: Zeno.

Episodes:
Episode 1: The Short Reunion
Episode 2: The Short Flashback
Episode 3: The Short Stowaway
Episode 4: The Short Master of the House
Episode 5: The Short Fight
Episode 6: The Short Tribe
Episode 7: The Short Wars
P.S.A. Special: Don't Do Drugs
X-Mas Special: The Biscuit That Stole Christmas

The Phone Meeting

While the pirate eye-patch may've been my first video production at the college. It was more of a group effort than my own production, this however was a return to form for me as I wrote it, shot it, and edited it almost completely by myself working off only a small brief with a short plot outline and a rule of being under 2 minutes. This was the first time I did anything like this since The Geek Zone way back in 2010. This video in a way is slightly life changing for me as upon finishing the shoot I felt somewhat disheartened and felt that despite all these years making projects I hadn't grown in the slightest. However this was the first of many times where Frank had shown me the truth and persuaded me to continue, he has now became my muse to a certain extent and my bro and now in 2014 I have so many projects I plan to make with and without him.

Who Doesn't love Bloopers? c:

First College Video Production - Eye Patch Joke

During the first term of College, they had us come up with a pirate joke which they had us make into a video. The pirate in the video eventually ends up becoming my best bro and the very reason I've re-kindled my creative flame. We were all part of the small crew that made this and all produced our own edits of it.

The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah Chapter V

Small Publishing Presents

The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah
CHAPTER V: Not in Your Wiseau-ist Dreams!

(In Which Tommy forcibly creates three Zombie Fanboys, Frank learns the art of cosplaying hilarious film makers within several seconds and a Donkey wearing a little hat may be our only hope.)

The Adventures of Shortlad

Here it is! Season One now completely online! well minus the Season Two teaser. But here it is, the very first batch of my longest running creative endeavor and probably my most well received. Originally started as something to stave off boredom in English and Maths lessons it eventually grew into a whole franchise. I noticed one of my friends Alex Dixey (Alovision on YouTube) was writing a doodle-comic-strip called Kettleboy. His original strips were very Spongebob-esque, very episodic and very small scale problems. I was inspired by these however soon after I realized I could craft an epic out of this format. Hence, why Shortlad soon became an Interdimensional hero.

I also quickly saw the opportunity for a crossover between our two allowing me to use a Kettleboy from an alternate universe in this story line first appearing in Episode XI. The villains in this season had also previously first appeared in a movie I had made - 'Zoido: Destroyer of Worlds' this is why the bio-weapon that Frogzoid is trying to create is called Zoido Mark II. I will upload this movie once I find a way to regain that footage. Fun-fact: In the movie Frogzoid was originally a Burger King or McDonalds toy used to promote the 2006 movie 'Flushed Away'. Also the first two issues have been redrawn from their original versions.

Episodes:

Episode I: Coming of the Short

Episode II: The Short Problem

Episode III: Cookies and Short Milk

Episode IV: Short Jobs

Episode V: The Short Return

Episode VI: The Short Return Part 2

Episode VII: The Short Return Part 3

Episode VIII: The Short Interdimensional Encounter

Episode IX: The Short Crossover

Episode X: The Short Calm Before the Storm

Episode XI: A Short Epic Climax

Episode XII: A Short Epic Climax Part 2

Episode XIII: The Short Epilogue

P.S.A Special: Traffic Safety

The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah Chapter IV

Small Publishing Presents:

The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah
CHAPTER IV: The Room with a View

(In Which our Hero realizes an old foe with some strange quirks, Totoro kills a Midget and the Ogres advance.)

Power Rangers Fandom Force Chapter II

Chapter 2: Friendship is Magic.
Created by Thee Hatter 

“Mathew Moskow Stiles. You have proven yourself to be brave, and can sit through many trials for that what you love. For this reason, you have been called upon to help us, and the world.” The giant floating head of Hartnell explained, his voice booming around the room. What was this? Was this a dream? No, that patch of coke on his shirt was definitely really wet, so this…this was actually 100% real. As impossible as it was, there was no other explanation. Moskow could do nothing but just stand gobsmacked trying to process the information.
“But no one would expect one lone hero to save us, for it is not just your love who is in danger. No. All of you must fight for the things that make you happy when sad, the things you watch and obsess over to keep you sane. You have all passed the initial trial set to you without realizing, and as such we call upon you now, heroes of fiction, to save our future.”
As Hartnell said this, a bright pink light seemed to engulf Moskow, and despite the view being tinted in pink, he noticed for the first time that he was not the only one in the room. Apart from him, there were about six other people, also with lights surrounding them. It was at that point he felt a small tug on his neck, and he looked down to see the my little pony necklace he so often wore around his neck raising slightly, like it was buffering in the wind-but something was different. It was like where the light was passing by him, the necklace was acting like a sponge and absorbing it, till no more like was left.
“Step forward…Harvey Stines”.
Across the room, Moskow watched as a guy about a year older than him stumbled forward. He wore a white tanktop, and worn blue jeans. His hair was short and black, and he certainly had the right sorta build for someone you wanted in a fight. Moskow could just about make out something in his pocket that he severally hoped was a wand.
“You have proven yourself to be brave of heart, and your daring, nerve and chivalry sets you apart from the rest. You stick by what you love, despite it’s flaws. As such, you are the teams, leader, and should wear your house colour’s with pride. You’re a Ranger, Harvey. The Red Ranger-Harry Potter.”
The wand in his pocket began to glow a faint red, and Harvey looked around speechless.
“This is your team…Steven “Watchkeeper” Danston, one who can see all of time and space, and is loyal to his companions…the Blue Ranger, Doctor Who. Stacey Vickers, who has proven that she will value her friendship and stop at nothing to unearth the truth, she is the White Ranger-Sherlock. Ronald Enders, a wayward son who has learned to carry on, and will fight heaven and hell to keep his brother safe-The Black Ranger, supernatural. Charlie “Princess” Smith, one who will fight for her happy ending, and is not afraid to wish upon a star. She is the Green Ranger, Disney. Jamie Summer’s, who know’s that her friends are her power, and who’s heart goes doki-doki-she is the Yellow Ranger, Anime. Finally, Mathew “Moskow” StIles, who know’s friendship is magic and will fight to keep the elements of harmony-He is the Pink Ranger, My Little Pony!”
As Hartnell said his name, the pony necklace he wore around his neck began to glow pink. Looking around the other people in the room, it was apparent that each of them had an item glowing their ranger colour also.
“Together, you seven will save the things you love from those who wish to destroy them. Together, you are Power Rangers: Fandom Force!”

The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah Chapter III

Small Publishing Presents:

The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah
CHAPTER III: The Last Son of J-J-Jaffa Cake-Krypton

(In which our hero's past is explored and we learn that just about everything in the Jaffa Kingdom is titled after the eponymous cake.)

Power Rangers Fandom Force Chapter I

Power Rangers Fandom Force
Chapter 1: Go Go Power Rangers.
Written and created by Thee Hatter

Moskow couldn't quite believe he’d done it as the final credit’s rolled on the screen. After many days and nights watching power rangers, it was finally completed-There was none left to watch. He let out a satisfied sigh, leaning back in his chair. That…was awesome. Now to just have a celebratory drink of Cola, and…
“Matthew Stiles, you have proven yourself to be a true ranger.”
Moskow froze in mid thought. That…wasn't coming from anywhere behind him, which meant…He looked at the screen in confusion. Did he have Skype open and accidentally call someone? Was it some oddly fitting ad? What the hell was going on? The more he looked at the screen, the more confused he got. The episode had ended, the bar was at the end and wasn't playing so…why was the voice coming from the video?
“You have proven that you will persevere throughout, staying true to the things you love. As such, you…have been chosen.”
The voice sounded familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it-but soon that wasn't the concerning thing. A small breeze had started up, or at least that’s what he thought at first, but then he realized what was so odd about it. For starters, all the windows and doors were closed, and for seconds, the breeze seemed to be heading into the laptop. Either something had gone horribly wrong with the fan, or something really strange was going on.
“Uhh…” Moskow muttered, staring blankly at the screen. “what the heck?”
At that point he heard the sound of glass hitting wood as his celebratory drink decided on a new destination other then Moskow’s mouth, although it was one neither of them expected. Moskow stared in awe as instead of spilling out and ruining his laptop, the liquid…hovered. Before he even realized what was going on, it seemed to rush towards the screen like a bull to the colour red, but instead of soaking it it just…vanished. Moskow had a bad feeling about this, and considering his hair was now flying everywhere it was pretty founded. He quickly jumped up, not caring as the laptop and glass clattered to the ground-well, the laptop did, the glass just fell inside it like the drink. He tried to run, but soon the floor in which he was running on seemed to lose quite a lot of friction. Looking down, he realized the reason for this was most likely because he was now two feet above it. Before he even had time to react, the suction force coming from the laptop went into overdrive, and, with nothing to stop him moving through the air, he found himself hurtling towards the screen. He had no idea how he fit, but it felt much like he’d imagine going through a black hole would feel, only without the crippling agony and death. Moskow screamed as he felt like half his body in free-fall, whilst the other half stretched to catch up. Before he knew it he felt his feet softly hit ground, and he felt the rest of him act like a rubber band and fling him straight onto his face, landing in a puddle of coke.
“Owww….” He moaned, slowly getting himself up. Where he was…he had no idea. Well, that wasn't strictly true. The black decor, the seemingly empty space, the indent in the center that a bright light just began shining through…”No way…”
This had to be a dream. This is what happens after you watch so many episodes, it has to be. That’s the only reason this was happening. That’s the only way he could explain the face that suddenly began to appear in the light-wait a second. That…was not who he thought it would be. Long White hair combed back, deep wrinkles in his face and a grandfatherly sparkle in his eye, that…was not Zordon. That…was William Hartnell.

The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah Chapter II

Small Publishing Presents:

The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah
CHAPTER II: Remembering the Darkest of Days

(In which Frank confronts his past and comes to the realization that his new partner is incredibly irritating)

The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah Chapter I

Small Publishing Presents:

The Early Crusades of the Jaffa Messiah 
CHAPTER I: Charles H. Blobby and Guillermo of Totoro

It was sunset. Sunset as all of his quests seemed to begin. after his adventure travelling up north through the legendary prophesied vagina and the tribe of the Genitallians. This kitty-hooded warrior travels through a dark shadowy forest with the only sounds to hear coming from the trees - Squirrels, Chipmunks, Birds. And not the women kind mind you ;D hence why I wonder why we're here...OH! thats right!! that kid! My god, I wonder why they keep me around as a Narrator, I've got such a short attention spa---Look guys, Birds!

Suddenly out of nowhere a small car came racing through the forest producing a giant trail of smoke which covered the trees like a blanket of grey and finally halted right beside the hooded person. The Kid turned around revealing it to be the adorable fighter Frank Enstien Norman!
"No Dude! you shouldn't have done that! How could you do that!!? Don't you realize you're gonna make the earth cry!?....wait Senpai is that you!?"
A pink large, rubbery man wearing a lot of eye makeup and a gaudy tie got out of the car.
"Oh it's only you! what are you doing all the way out here!?" inquired Frank.
"lkjhgfygjsjgklgssdjfoBlobbyBlobbyBlobbygskfskwqm" the strange bald man replied.
...It was Mr. Blobby holding a envelope with 'To Frankie-Chan' written on it. Frank opened the envelope and began to read the contents of the letter.
"To my Frankie-Chan, your training to restore balance to the Jaffa Cake order in the face of such adversity has most impressed me and I'm proud of the fact you are practicing the art of Kawaii-Fu. As such I offer you this Frank-Mobile which runs on Ice Cream (yum!) in your quest for Jaffa Cakes. I also leave to you this very rubbery blobby person I found trying to hitch a ride to New York. My friend Noel Edmonds practically begged me to keep him. I leave you all this as I'v finally decided to find Jaffa the Hutt in my own journey"
Frank looked up at Mr. Blobby somewhat disgusted at his mere presence and hopped into his newly acquired vehicle and drove off. Leaving Mr. Blobby to pontificate on the way his life had been turning out recently...and knowing what Moskow loves to do with these kinds of characters...He'll no doubt show up in Shortlad or something >.>

Frank drove across the land for several hours grinning to himself that his Senpai had finally began to notice him. However he didn't keep an eye out on where he was going and suddenly 'CRAAAASH!' he knocked over an incredibly large furry bearded creature wearing a glasses and a strange black shirt which appeared to be some sort of merchandise merchandise. Frank immediately jumped out of the car to see if the hairy humongous man was alright. Frank was amazed, not only at the size of the man which was akin to that of a Snorlax he once saw as a wee lad but that Frank felt a familiarity with this huge beast of a man. As if he had seen him before somewhere before. Seeing the man was still alive, Frank helped him up.
"Jeez watch where you're going! you crazy fool!" bellowed the furry man.
It was at this point when it was clear in Frank's eyes who the identity of this strange man was.
"I've got it!! you're Totoro!" Frank claimed.
"WHAT!? HOW COULD YOU MISTAKE ME FOR HIM!? I'M GUILLERMO DEL TORO!! THE FAMOUS MOVIE DIRECTOR!! CAN'T YOU TELL BY MY SHIRT!!?" the furry fellow shouted as he pointed to his shirt which appeared to be a poorly drawn Pacific Rim image composed of two stick figures and a title which spelled 'pAcifiCk RoM'.
"Uuuuuh, okay." Frank accepted, slightly confused at the shock of meeting a real-life Totoro and at the fact that the creature claimed to be the popular Spanish-American film director.
"LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY SPEECHLESS AND WANT MY AUTOGRAPH FOR HELLBOI, PENIS'S LABYRINTH OR MY LATEST CREATION~ PACIFIC RIMJOB! BUT PLEASE, YOU NEED TO COME WITH ME TO STOP THE EARTH FROM FLOODING AND THE CREATION OF A SECOND NOAH'S ARK!!!...IT WOULDN'T BE SO BAD IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE FACT THAT BIG G UP THERE IS ALWAYS TOO BUSY PLAYING BASEBALL WITH HIS KID J.C. TO PROPERLY PAY ATTENTION AND IF LAST TIME IS ANYTHING TO GO BY THEN WE KNOW THAT GOD'LL PROBABLY PICK SOME FORGETFUL LOSER WHO CAN'T BE ASSED TO CHECK IF THE ANIMALS ARE EVEN THE RIGHT GENDERS ASKED FOR!! I'M SURE YOU SAW ALL THAT SMOG THAT JUST ERUPTED FROM OVER THERE!! IT'S THE FIRST SIGN! THE EARTH'S GONNA FLOOD AGAIN" Del T(ot)oro shouts as he points in the direction that Frank just came from.

Frank suddenly became serious, however he felt like something was off, the more he thought about it, the handwriting on the letter from his 'apparent' Senpai looked an awfully lot like the handwriting found on Del T(ot)oro's shirt. Frank became suspicious, was this really his Senpai's instructions? Meanwhile on Guillermo Del T(ot)oro's glasses was a camera monitoring everything that was going on in front of him. The feed was being transmitted live directly to a gloomy icy fortress where nothing was heard except for maniacal cackling of a shadowy mad man dressed like Santa Clause with the darkest of eyeballs, as his pupils glowed red. "HAHAHA! Shortlad may've stopped me before but once nature cries enough, the jigsaw continents of the world will merge together and then...only then will I have my revenge! and this...this Kawaii boy will be the key to all of it! Muhahahahahahaha!!!"

...To Be Continued (If I do in fact continue it) ~ in CHAPTER II!!

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